A really sour pickle of a game
Do you all remember a time when McDonalds was a happy beacon of our childhoods? When the restaurant actually looked like a colorful and welcoming place to visit, instead of today, where it more closely resembles an Eastern-European commie-block? The fast-food experience used to be exciting for the kids, and companies would attempt to bring a splash of that fun back home. As far back as the 1990s, McDonalds was releasing video games for the NES and Sega Genesis like Grimace’s Birthday and McDonald’s Treasure Land Adventure, which garnered unusually positive feedback. In 2006, Burger King would take their grill to the game and release a series of three licensed-titles for the Xbox-360 to promote their flamed-broiled goodness.
The games would come packaged in with your Whopper and onion rings but I never got my hands on it the proper way because I was most likely dining at the superior Wendys. Instead, I spotted a copy of Sneak King for 99 cents at a Gamestop and used the pocket change from my Baconater to indulge further. You play as the King himself, prancing around stalking people and aggressively promoting your products. Imagine Solid-Snake if he quit espionage and found a day job harassing strangers to eat junk food. This guy is the reason restraining orders were invented. In all honesty, there’s something oddly satisfying about creeping up on pedestrians like a hungry-ninja and offering them a cheeseburger as if that’s the social norm.
You must deliver the goods without being spotted by an unwilling customer or they’ll run away traumatized as anyone would, being chased by a 7-foot deranged mascot who thinks he’s really a monarch. In a world that is supposed to be grounded in reality, your getup doesn’t exactly whisper “subtle”. Every time you successfully deliver food, your “chain count” increases. If a hungry individual spots you, they won’t want you to bring them burgers anymore, and if you replace ‘burgers’ with ‘illegal substances’, this starts to make a lot more sense… All of the construction workers you’re repeatedly hounding and putting in harm’s way will avoid you like the leper you are, and then you’ll have to find another community of innocents to terrorize.
As you carefully tip-toe around like a burger-phantom, diminishing the value of homes by your presence, and raising the collective cholesterol of the neighborhood, you’ll build up points on the scoreboard. I can only assume this is used towards expanding your imperialist burger kingdom. The game is ugly as deep-fried shit, but I suppose you get what you pay for, and in this case it costs less than a side of fries. The gameplay-loop becomes quickly repetitive but I imagine the game isn’t very long. I never even finished it as I was starting to feel bad for the poor NPCs that I was force feeding all-American glorified greasy heart attacks on a platter.
Sneak King is crap, but you could say it’s a shit-nugget with an eency-weency diamond in it. This signaled the end of a bygone era. This was the last fast-food licensed video game to get a mainstream release. Did it deliver? Ha Ha Ha- No… BUT, it still brings me back to a time when companies tried to retain an image and keep childhood wonder alive. Perhaps, it was a shit-sandwich, but with just enough herbs and spices to almost be worth a bite.
Have it your way,
Mikhail
Verdict: 3/10