Back that rig up
You’re winner winner chicken dinner
Ever want to just break all expectations? Ever want to just say “Fuck you game”, I will not play by your standards! I’ll proceed with this however I see fit. In 2003, Gamemil would answer your prayers. Big Rigs would take the gaming industry by shitstorm. A game where not only were the rules meant to be broken, the entire laws of physics went right to the side of the freeway as you kept trucking to the virtual Valhalla.
Big Rigs is supposedly a racing game, but I dare say that label is dubious at best. The core-component of a racing game is being able to fucking race! The AI in this game is literally non-existent. You will drive all around the unfinished and ugly map while your opponent remains stock still. There is no time limit in any “race”. You literally cannot lose and will always undeservingly be greeted with a gold trophy, brilliantly stating “ You’re Winner!!!”
Now for the main event. The “game” has no rules. What separates this rolling shitshow from the rest of the crap-ola hall of shame is that this is not even a frustratingly bad game. In fact, it’s one of the most stress free games you could ever play. As stated above, the opponent racers do not move and there’s not even a time limit. This gives the player the opportunity to do WHATEVER the hell they like. Collision detection is non-existent. Meaning you can literally drive through just about anything- buildings, lamp posts and you even fall through the bridge which doesn’t even touch the ground (it just kind of hovers). Sometimes you’ll just arbitrarily collapse through the games world and fall endlessly into the void. I don’t understand how this game was cleared to get released and sold for profit. The fucking audacity!
That’s not even the best part though. Get a load of this… The truck has an incomprehensible speed limit when going backwards. You can reach unfathomable speeds of up to 12.3 Undecillion MPH (A number I’d never heard of prior to this) while driving in reverse……. Let me put this into perspective for you real quick; There is a reddit post deciphering the exact math (Read it, it’s incredible) of how fast our “Big Rig” protagonist is, but I’ll speed right through that and cut to the chase. Essentially, Big Rig is beyond the rules of physics and nature and completely dismisses limitations of light-speed; it can zip across the entire known universe in the blink of an eye, phasing through literally any obstacle in its path no matter the size or density. It can exist everything, everywhere all at once way before that chick in the movie. This is the most powerful fictional character in the history of the world. Imagine this- if a human-being were to be struck by Big Rig going max-speed, they would be vaporized in a picosecond (Which I’d also never heard of). It would be as if every atom and molecule in your body were instantly obliterated by a supermassive blackhole canon. Big Rig is God tier as a character…
…As a video game though; Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing is arguably the worst game ever made. In terms of functionality, it is bar-none, the most broken and sloppiest product to ever get past Quality Assurance. I don’t just mean in gaming, I mean ever. It’s the lowest rated video game on Metacritic, being in the single digits. I don’t know what the hell the publishers were smoking when they green-lit this “product”, but it certainly wasn’t legal. Aside from how inept the game is, it makes for great conversation and mythos. Like I said, Big Rig is basically undefeatable. If you can get this for free online, I highly recommend it (I really don’t). Put the pedal to the metal, drive up a hill going 90-degrees, and always remember, YOU’RE WINNER!
Caution: Wide load of crap,
Fil & Mikhail
Verdict: 0/10 (It’s not a finished product)