The Wild West Just Got a Whole Lot Deadlier!
An underdog FPS with serious bite
Back in 2005, 10-year-old me had the refined gaming tastes of a kid who judged everything solely by how cool the cover looked. And Darkwatch? That shit was peak. A cowboy with glowing red eyes, a giant-ass skull emblem, and just enough ominous lighting to make me feel like I was about to play something that would permanently corrupt my innocent little soul. I had zero clue what the game was actually about, but I caught a brief teaser on TV days before release, and that was all I needed. Vampire cowboy with guns? I’m sold.
Somehow, through sheer desperation and the kind of half-assed negotiation skills only a middle school boy could muster, I convinced my dad to buy Darkwatch for me. I probably promised to get good grades, do my chores, or some other blatant bullshit I had zero intention of following through on – honestly, I was just saying whatever sounded vaguely responsible enough to make him cave. And miraculously, it worked. Next thing I knew, I was walking out of the store clutching my brand-new, definitely-not-age-appropriate game, grinning like a little shit who just successfully got away with murder.
You play as Jericho Cross – a Civil War veteran turned outlaw whose gearing for one last score before retirement (We’ve heard that one before haven’t we Dutch?). He decides to rob the absolute worst possible train he could find, and instead of walking away with loot, he gets bitten by a cursed vampire lord. I’d say that was a massive oopsie-poopsie fuckup moment on his part. Now half-undead and slowly turning into a vampire, assclown Jericho gets pulled into the Darkwatch (He said the thing), a secret society of monster-slaying badasses who clearly skipped HR training. Their idea of onboarding? Handing me a big ass revolver and saying, “Go shoot demons in the face, kid.” No background check, no proper training – just bam, here’s a gun, now go stop the apocalypse. It’s like getting hired by a shadowy organization that hands you a weapon, slaps you on the back, and says, “Good luck, dipshit!” without even showing you where the coffee machine is. (I’m kidding, Fuck HR departments. You know who you are)
I do remember the game feeling way too graphic for my prepubescent eyes to be watching. I had already been big into Halo at this age but that was Hello-Kitty/ Barbie & Ken/ Polly Pocket pussy kiddie hour playpen shit compared to this. It’s like I was playing Halo’s pissed-off chain-smoking older brother who just got out of prison. I was knee-deep in blood, exploding guts and gore, undead cowboys, and some seriously unholy shit that made me question whether I had just accidentally sold my soul to Satan via PlayStation 2. Dare I say, it was a dark watch for me *Pause for laughter*… No? Tough crowd. Anyway – the second my parents left the room? Holy shit! This game was BADASS. One minute, I was a scared kid that truly felt like I shouldn’t be playing this, the next, I was Jericho Cross – outlaw-turned-vampire blasting demons, zombies, and hellspawn in a blood-soaked Wild West. Shotguns that turned enemies into red mist, six-shooters that felt CHUNKY, and an explosive-crossbow that didn’t just kill things, it OBLITERATED them! This game had it all. And then there was Tala, the hot, scantily clad, knife-wielding vampiress whose character development suddenly became ever so important. I was absolutely riveted by how insane and ridiculous it all was. It was everything I could’ve wanted from a game I picked solely because the box looked cool. A rare case of judging by the cover and absolutely nailing it!
I remember one of the coolest moments in the game comes early on when you’re battling a giant, undead train conductor on top of a ghostly speeding train. The thing’s swaying side-to-side as you try to dodge his attacks, all while shooting enemies that pop up from the train cars. The train’s on fire, the sky is a blood-red inferno, and you’re trying to hold onto your sanity while gunning down an army of reanimated cowboys. The whole situation feels like an action movie set where you’re the star. The whole game pretty much keeps the same consistent energy- fast, brutal and metal as fuck! One minute, you’re blasting through crumbling ghost towns and dilapidated saloons, the next, you’re balls deep in supernatural chaos – battling reapers in cursed canyons or duking it out with vampires in haunted mining towns. The design is oozing with style, from firelit landscapes to rundown villages and haunted graveyards that might as well have a sign saying, “Abandon all hope, ye who enter”. The action never lets up, with each level throwing something fresh and twisted at you. Wild shootouts, chaotic platforming, and demons popping out of every damn corner. It looks cool, plays smooth, and by the end of each level, you’re itching to see what hellish ride comes next. It’s fucking hype as fuck!
Darkwatch is what happens when a horror movie, a Clint Eastwood western, and a death metal album cover have a demonic love child. It pulses with a gritty steampunk vibe, fusing high-tech weaponry with the raw, atmospheric energy of a dark, Victorian-inspired frontier. The game tossed me into a blood-soaked Wild West where the sky was either pitch-black or ablaze with hellfire, and every town looked like it was one bad whiskey-fueled bender away from crumbling into a haunted wasteland. Each place felt like it was barely holding on – Like a bad omen dressed up as a rotting saloon, just biding its time before collapsing into a mess of dust, bones, and dreadful last words.
Darkwatch feels like one of those underrated gems that flew under the radar. It’s not going to win any awards for being the most polished FPS, but it nails a unique atmosphere with its blend of western grit and supernatural chaos. The level design is actually pretty solid, and the action’s fast-paced with a variety of weapons that keep things interesting. It’s definitely got more charm than people give it credit for. Like that one obscure movie you tell your friends about that they never heard of, but when they finally watch it, they go “I guess that wasn’t total shit”. It’s currently being held hostage on the PS2 and Xbox like a hidden treasure waiting to be rediscovered. It’s got awesome design and solid gameplay, just trapped in a bygone era. But hey, if you’ve got an old console lying around, it’s totally worth a spin – kind of like finding that forgotten jewel in a bargain bin that ends up being better than half the new stuff. A remaster would be a dream (more like an awesome nightmare). It was supposed to kick off an epic media franchise, but instead, it became the one-hit wonder that never got its encore…
Darkwatch has real guts. It’s got flair, mayhem, and enough undead carnage to make your mom wonder what kind of monster she raised. It didn’t get the spotlight it deserved, but if you’re down for a wild, gun-slinging, blood-soaked adventure that doesn’t take itself too seriously, this game will grab you by the throat and never let go.
Say when,
Mikhail
Verdict: 7.5/10