A Cautionary Tale
What is there really to be said? This so-called “game” was nearly the downfall of the entire industry. What can we take away from this? I dare say it’s the ultimate cautionary tale of studio crunch and commercialism.
To make a long story short: E.T. (the film) was considered a cultural landmark upon its release, and the studio wanted all the merchandise possible to cash in on.
Atari was immensely popular, and someone had the bright idea: why not turn it into a game? Kids love that stuff! They immediately put the game into production in late July, with the goal of having it on shelves by the Christmas season — giving Howard Scott Warshaw, the sole programmer, a mere 36 days to finish it. What could possibly go wrong? In short, everything.
The gameplay, like all Atari games, is exceedingly simple. You play as a pixelated mess that barely resembles the character, awkwardly strutting around the map to collect pieces of a phone, while avoiding government agents, so you can “phone-home”.
In theory, this game objective should work just fine. But it doesn’t. This is a frustratingly teeth grinding experience. The sound effects, even by Atari standards, are irritatingly repetitive.
The holes you fall into are enough to make you want to punch a wall, and the time limit feels like a tacked-on gimmick designed to make you suffer. The infamous pits – while visible on screen – have edges that are much closer than they appear, leading to many, many unintended falls.
You have the ability to levitate out, but since collision detection is practically nonexistent, you often fall right back in, almost like a cruel joke. The agents who are constantly after you will put you in a cage when they capture you, taking away your phone piece so you have to find it all over again. The game only takes around 10–15 minutes to beat, but all these design failures make it feel like 10–15 lifetimes.
This cosmic-catastrophe was one of the biggest failures in the history of gaming. With over 4 million copies shipped, there were more cartridges than there were consoles to play them on. What the hell were they thinking?!
Many of them would be returned and with an ever growing stockpile, it seemed there was only one course of action – the cartridges were gathered and buried in a landfill in the New Mexico desert……you couldn’t make this stuff up. This turn of events is what culminated in the video game crash of 1983.
In a roundabout way, this IS the most significant game ever to be released as it literally almost destroyed gaming in its entirety in North America. Thankfully a little Italian plumber would jump into the gaming scene and save the day.
This game is widely available on ROMs and the cartridges that have survived are very modestly priced. Take a look and see what almost brought the industry to rage and ruin. A game so terrible, the best part is literally the title screen. Seriously, whoever designed that, props, you actually managed to make something that even remotely resembled the movie.
Should be fired into the Sun,
Fil
Verdict: 0.5/10