Godfall

More like: God, I fell for that?

Have you ever gotten a frozen pizza from the store because you’re starving, and you convince yourself, “Hey, this is gonna be fine”? You toss it in the oven, set the timer, and start imagining how crispy and cheesy it’s going to be. Then, when it’s done, you take it out and the cheese is barely melted, the crust is soft and limp, and the toppings look like they were thrown on by someone who gave up halfway through.

You eat it anyway because you’re hungry, but every bite is a reminder: “This is not what I wanted at all.”
That’s exactly what it feels like to play Godfall.

It lures you in with the promise of being a sleek, shiny, next-gen PS5 exclusive. But what you get is the gaming equivalent of a soggy, flavorless frozen pizza. Once you take that first bite, you’re stuck with a bland, repetitive grind that’s as unsatisfying as it is forgettable. What you thought would be an epic feast quickly becomes a chore, and you’re left wondering why you even bothered.

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And just like that pizza, you also end up regretting the time you spent on it. You could’ve just made a salad instead, champ. I wouldn’t go as far as to call the game Godawful, but every part of it plays it way too safe. It checks all the boxes without ever pushing the envelope. It’s a game that’s entirely too comfortable in its mediocrity.

Its greatest sin? It’s mind-numbingly boring.
Not just a little dull — the kind of boring that makes folding laundry seem like a thrilling action sequence. It’s the kind of dull that makes you question if fun was ever even a real thing.

The gameplay in Godfall is, I guess, technically gameplay — in the same way plain oatmeal technically counts as food. You swing your weapon with all the energy of someone vacuuming their living room while on hold with customer service. It’s another third-person hack-and-slash with RPG mechanics and loot grinding, and it’s as aggressively generic as they come. You mash buttons through repetitive combos until everything falls over.

The loot system throws gear at you constantly, but the upgrades feel meaningless. Most of the new swords and armor just look different rather than play different. The Valorplates — the game’s fancy signature armor sets — offer minor stat boosts and a special move, but they all handle nearly identically. Missions are short, linear, and mostly consist of defeating waves of enemies in dull, copy-pasted arenas.

Visually, the game feels like someone Googled “high-fantasy clichés” and just Ctrl+C’d their way to a full art style. Nothing even tries to be original. Every character, enemy, environment — even the floating rocks — feel like they were designed in a rush by someone allergic to creativity. There isn’t a single shred of unique thought anywhere. Every so-called “epic” vista looks like it was borrowed from a dozen other fantasy games, only flatter and somehow more forgettable.

It’s the kind of game that feels like it was built by a team just looking to get it done: fill in the blanks, tick the boxes, ship it out. The final result is a game that looks and feels like it was assembled by an algorithm that forgot the part where things are supposed to be interesting. But hey — deadlines are deadlines, right?

Should you play it? Absolutely not. You could do literally anything else. Watch the QVC channel. Rearrange your silverware drawer. Just stare out the window and reflect. You’d walk away with the same level of excitement. Godfall offers nothing you haven’t seen a hundred times before, and none of it is done well enough to be worth your time. The combat is shallow, the story is nonexistent, and the visuals — though technically impressive — have the personality of a moldy Triscuit.

If you’re looking for a game that dares to do something different, anything… this isn’t it.

I don’t rate this game low because it’s broken or unplayable. I rate it low because it is painfully, soul-crushingly average. And even bad games can be entertaining in some way. This one? This one’s just an echo chamber of mediocrity. I couldn’t recommend it less if it were just a menu screen.

God that fell flat,

Mikhail

Verdict: 3/10