The unmatched OG
Greatest E-Rated horror game ever
Little kids are easy to scare. When I was very young, there was a brief period where unusual things would frighten me. I remember fast-forwarding through the “Grim Grinning Ghosts” part of the Disney Sing-Along VHS-tape every time that scene would come on. Even now, those dancing trees still haunt me. (I mean LOOK AT THIS SHIT). My first experience being scared by a video game was during the game-over cutscene in Banjo-Kazooie where Gruntilda the Witch steals the beauty of Tootie, Banjo’s little sister, who in-turn hobbles out of that machine as some deformed ogress monster. Her transformation was so jarring to me, I yanked the game cartridge out of the N64 and hid it deep under the sofa as far as I could reach; then promptly forgot about it. Fast-forward a year or so, I had matured somewhat, was slightly older and laughed at how silly the whole thing seemed to me. As time heals all wounds, so it did with Banjo-Kazooie and I, and it turned out to become my favorite game of all time (true story). By this point, I was already a fan of thrills and chills, and it just so happened that around Christmas 2001, I unwrapped my very own Nintendo GameCube. To top it off, it came with a special launch title featuring an unlikely scaredy cat protagonist – one I instantly connected with.
Our other favorite pasta eating plumber has won himself a mansion. Little does he know- IT’S A HAUNTED MANSION! OOOOoooooOOOOOooo *spooky ghost noise*. Turns out Mario has been kidnapped this time and now it’s up to his little bro Luigi to rescue him (I know he’s taller). With the help of Professor E. Gadd, who arms you with his trusty ghost-hunting vacuum, the Poltergust 3000, you venture deeper into the mansion’s corridors in pursuit of your captured brother. Gameplay revolves around exploring spooky rooms, capturing mischievous ghosts, and solving clever puzzles. Luigi opens and subdues the colorful ghosts in every room, which is fun because each room has its own theme based on the house’s long and storied history. Luigi captures ghosts by first stunning them with his flashlight and then wrestling them into his bottomless suck machine as they try to throw him off by dragging him around the room and destroying everything like a haunted WWE match. Once you clear a room, the atmosphere switches from dark and foreboding to well-lit and elegant and usually rewards you with a very large key- which is one of the few brief moments we get to see Luigi not pissing himself in fear… he even appears proud, before another ghost pops up and ruins everything.
The mansion itself is a twisted and eerie spectacle perverted by the ghosts inside. This is one of my favorite settings in all of gaming because it strikes the perfect balance of family-friendly charm and disturbingly ominous that you wouldn’t expect from a Nintendo game. Each room and floor has you excited for what will come next… The mansion is brimming with surprises, lurking around every corner and hiding in every room, ready to pounce when you least expect it- whether it’s a sneaky ghost, a hidden puzzle, or a trap that’s just waiting for you to fall right into it. It’s a bizarre blend of grandeur and decay, where every creaky door seems to hold a secret waiting to be uncovered. The mansion isn’t just a setting, it’s a character. The rooms aren’t just environments, they’re almost sentient spaces that echo with the mansion’s dark history. As much as I enjoyed Luigi’s Mansion 2: Dark Moon and Luigi’s Mansion 3, they haven’t quite managed to bottle the same strange, creepy magic that made the original so uniquely unsettling. The newer games, while fun, feel more like Luigi’s on a quirky ghost-hunting vacation rather than wandering through a mansion that’s actively plotting to give him a heart attack. Another thing I love is Luigi’s little hums to the hauntingly catchy soundtrack- it’s chef’s kiss perfection. It’s like Luigi’s totally vibing to being scared out of his overalls. And as his health deteriorates, his tone shifts to more frantic humming and yelling “MarioOOOoooO!” in a much more frightened way.
You’re equipped with a “GameBoy Horror” (Such a catchy ringtone) as a mini-map to navigate the mansion and track your progress for all the money, treasures and ‘portrait ghosts’ that are added to your ghastly gallery along your adventure. Professor E. Gadd seems to take a sick joy in violently pressing ghosts into paintings, like it’s his personal art project. Depending on how well you perform while fighting with a ‘portrait ghost’ determines the type of portrait you’ll receive for them by the end of a chapter. Essentially, the harder you beat them the prettier they’ll look. I’m partial to the mansion’s prideful butler painting because of the flickering candlestick…
Let’s pump the breaks a sec, is all this confusing?… Basically, there’s 4 types of ghosts: You have your standard enemy ghosts, Boos, ‘portrait ghosts’ and ‘boss ghosts’. Standard enemy ghosts are just grunts and appear in almost every room. There’s 50 Boos, including ‘King Boo’ which, at one point, Luigi stupidly lets escape and scatter throughout the mansion, so they must be recaptured (generally there’s one each room). I like this because it encourages deeper and more thorough exploration. They can also bounce around from room-to-room and different floors if you suck (or don’t for that matter) and let them get away… Like I mentioned before, you have a ‘portrait ghost’ that occupies almost every room- The game has some seriously strong lore that’s presented in the subtlest of ways, leaving you piecing together it’s spooky backstory one ghost encounter at a time. You sometimes end up even feeling bad for some of them. TRAGEDY ALERT: There’s a gypsy ghost that helps you uncover what happened to your lost brother by collecting items that he’s left behind- by the end of her dialogues, she surrenders herself to you with hardly a fight – very sad… But there’s also fun cheery ones like the musical lady that you jam out to Mario soundtracks with, or those little bastard Twins that play hide-and-seek with you. There’s some real quirky ones that make absolutely no sense but you don’t question cause its just funny- like that jar-head popping one (I mean what even the hell is that?). One of my favorites is the bodybuilder that starts swinging on you because you interrupted his reps (understandable). Once you’ve captured all the ‘portrait ghosts’ for each floor you proceed to take on a boss battle- which is basically just a grander ‘portrait ghost’. The boss battles in this game are really good. I’m torn if I like the Bogmire fight in the graveyard or the Boolossus battle on the rooftop more. They’re both pretty fucking sweet. The atmosphere, sound design and music are what makes each boss battle shine. After you’ve beaten a boss you then unload your vacuum full of ‘portrait ghosts’ for E. Gadd to turn into his personal collection of creepy wall decor, like he’s starting his own haunted museum. He doesn’t even flinch at their tortured expressions. “There, that’s much better” he says completely unfazed by their ghostly screams- just another day at the ghost penitentiary.
Luigi’s Mansion is one of my favorite games of all time. My main gripe with it is that it’s too short. I only wish that maybe there were just a few more hidden areas… just a couple more ‘portrait ghosts’… I know– quality over quantity… I just adore this game because, despite its short length, it creates a world that lives in my imagination to this day. The game is almost 25 years old (holy smokes) and I still regularly think about it. Considering we recently got Luigi’s Mansion 2 ported to the Switch, I’m hoping for the whole trilogy of Luigi’s Mansion to be released for the Switch 2 as a bundle in the near future. What’ll likely happen is that Nintendo will end up porting over the remastered 3DS version to the Switch 2 instead of the original GameCube one. I’ll be a tad disappointed by this as the original Luigi’s Mansion GameCube version has this raw charm that the 3DS version can’t quite replicate. The 3DS version isn’t much different, and it’s a fine enough way to experience the game, but it feels slightly more sanitized in sound design and visuals, whereas the GameCube limitations retained this much more sinister vibe. Grab your Poltergust 3000, suck up some ghosts and get ready for a hauntingly great time!
Suck on this,
Mikhail
Verdict: 10/10