So, who actually wins the console wars? 🏆
Why am I still talking about this? Who even cares anymore. What is this, 2007? Just do you and play what you wanna play…
… That being said let’s talk about it anyway.
Ah, the console wars. Once a battleground of tech specs and childhood allegiances, now it’s more like a passive-aggressive group chat between three companies who can’t stop tripping over their own HDMI cables.
Let’s take a look at our same old contestants in 2025, shall we?
🎮 Xbox: The King of Vibes, Not Games
Microsoft wants you to believe it’s all about “ecosystems” and “game preservation,” which is corporate speak for we bought a bunch of studios and still have nothing to show for it. At this point, Game Pass has more value than your college diploma, but also about the same amount of excitement lately. Game Pass was actually a pretty decent investment at one point: But I don’t even own a current Xbox console (I don’t even know anyone who does)
They shelved their secret handheld again (I’m holding back the tears) And every showcase is Phil Spencer giving off “divorced dad trying his best” energy. We love him, but we need more than promises and PowerPoints, buddy. Where are the games?!No disrespect to Forza, but it’s your most popular game in the last few years? A racing game… seriously, dude?
🎮 PlayStation: Prestige and Paranoia
Sony’s out here charging $70 a pop for prestige titles while also live-service-spamming like it’s 2015 mobile gaming season. Every time they drop a banger like Spider-Man 2, they follow it with a confusing update or a feature nobody asked for. DualSense? Great. PS Portal? It’s a Wii U GamePad with abandonment issues. Enough with these motion sensor gimmicks that should’ve died after the original Wii Sports fad wore off. Nobody cares anymore. Your games are clearly becoming too grand in scale to keep up with development/console cycles so perhaps we need to take a step back and downscale a bit? Give us another solid 15-20 hour quality campaign (with maybe some side content). Not every game needs to be the size of an actual country (ie: Assassins Creed: Odyssey)
🎮 Nintendo: Still Doing Nintendo Things™
Switch 2’s coming. We think. Maybe. June 5th. Probably. If Nintendo doesn’t change their mind and just announce a cardboard box that streams nostalgia.
Look, Nintendo is like your charming grandpa who still makes fire pancakes—but also refuses to get a smartphone. Their games are delightful, their online services are built out of duct tape, and somehow we keep forgiving them. Because Zelda. Because Mario. (Let’s not forget my boy Kirby) Because they know they own us and we’ve accepted it. Deal /w it brah! No, but really -I can respect Nintendo’s commitment to traditional game design – but it’s 2025, a year we were promised flying cars, not AI-generated videos of Bill Cosby and Shrek sharing a pumpkin, and you still can’t give us a normal online multiplayer system for Mario Kart?
So, Who Wins? 🏆 (Fast Drumroll*)
Honestly? None of them. Or all of them – who really cares? Depends on your tolerance for FOMO and firmware updates. These days, the real winners are gamers who embrace cross-platform peace, buy the game where it runs best, and mute every console war thread on Twitter. Why are you still listening to me?
But if we’re talking least disappointing? Let’s just say it’s a three-way tie in the race to “pretty good, I suppose…”
Until one of them nails it—I’ll be at Goodwill looking for more launch plaques. (OOOoo He referenced the last article! – got em!